This tooth of truth

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Well my internship is coming to a close. Thankfully. I have my exit interview in 2 days and hope to learn something about job prospects there. It's hard not to get my hopes up, although I know I have to remain realistic about things.

Last night Missy and I met Eric for dinner and drinks. It was really good to see him and it made me realize how much I like him and wish he was more involved in my life. Missy thinks it's only because I think he's hot - but she would think that. His family is going through the same type of stuff mine is - and although that breaks my heart to learn of another friend of mine having to go through something as devastating as cancer, there is some comfort in that a friend of mine now has the cancer life. I can't describe it - but I think it basically boils down to sympathy versus empathy. It's awful news to learn of yet another person being affected by cancer, though. It breaks my heart.

Speaking of cancer: my dad got his results from the latest ct scan today. The tumors shrunk again and he will be taking 2 months off of chemo. It sounded like the doctor is perhaps at an impasse with his case. She said that if he continued chemo right now, it would kill him. So they will take a 2 month break, do another ct scan then decide what the next course of action will be. My mom said that the doctor didn't give another prognosis, and that my dad didn't ask. I don't know why, but it really struck me today that the treatment that my dad is taking is literally capable of killing him. I can't count how many times I've said that, but for some reason today, it really was driven home. I'm terrified of the outcome but will continue to hope for the best and plan for the worst.

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

It's been a while. I'm well into the 10-week internship; in fact, I only have 3.5 weeks left. It's interesting and challenging, but only because my ideas about corporate life and my perfectionism are challenging me. The work itself itsn't really stretching my bounds or capabilities. I am being challenged because there is a main project I have been assigned that basically will not get done by anyone in the department, let alone an intern. The last iteration of this project took a seasoned employee 7 months to put together, and they gave the next generation to an intern with only 8 weeks to go. Needless to say I am not making satisfactory progress which is really hard for me to do. I feel like it is a reflection on my work ethic or my abilities, when I know that it is just beyond the scope of an internship.

Aside from that, other things are brewing, too. Missy and Tonya talked about Tonya moving out when she graduates. I'll believe it when I see it, but I think the conversation in itself is a huge step. I really think things in our relationship will change somewhat dramatically if Tonya were to move out. Regardless of whether or not I buy into the mortgage at this house or if Missy and I buy a new house (which may be ideal, but somewhat unreasonable to expect) things will hopefully be different around here for me. Even though it's 3 years since I've been living here, I still don't really feel like it's my home. That's too long of a time to live somewhere you can't call home.