This tooth of truth

Sunday, June 27, 2004

Yesterday I went to the commitment ceremony for two friends. Missy couldn't come because she has family in town this weekend. It was such a beautiful ceremony. I wish that she would have been able to be there with me to witness the ceremony and to be a part of their proclamation. It wasn't hokey or religious. It was just an exhibit of their love and commitment to each other at the witness of their friends and family. It was celebrating their love and their life together. I would love to have something like that where it is casual but classy. Short and sweet and poignant. It was meaningful.

This weekend has been surrounded by cancer. Missy's aunt is in town and she was recently diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer. She's not taking any treatment. She decided to go for quality of life versus quantity. She seems at times alright for the most part, then at other times very depressed. I can't imagine walking around with that knowledge. She and I had some time alone and she was talking about all the trials she and her partner are going through trying to tie things up, get everything transferred out of her name, what she's going to do when she's gone. She told me that Missy and I have to talk about that and come up with a plan. Being the bitter crab that I can at many times be, I went off a little bit about how nothing would matter right now because she has everything fucking tied up with Tonya. She agreed that it's fucked up and really messy. Sometimes I like to think that had things not been so fucked up with their relationship, all of the stuff I'm going through right now wouldn't seem as overwhelming. But literally, I have no respite. No relief. No sanctuary. That is so hard. I ran into an old friend at Pride today and she and her partner just bought a house. She told me she was glad to see that Missy and I are still together. Yeah, we're still together, but I'm not sure how much we've grown or how far we've come. There's an enormous roadblock in our way, and I'm so incredibly tired of it. All I do is bitch about it. It takes up so much of my mental energy and space. I can't wait for it all to be over.

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