This tooth of truth

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

So when Missy and I painted our bedroom this weekend, everything had to come out then be put back in. All of my journals were in a stack in the bedroom, and I decided to get rid of the old ones instead of keeping them. They're just full of crap, anyway. Although, I did learn a lot from that crap. It's mostly me being depressed, me lamenting over Sarah or me cursing Kris' name. For some reason she was on my mind this weekend - like how sometimes I'm convinced I"m having a premonition, and then it ends up happening. Well it hasn't happened yet. But the vision I have in my head is me walking in to some establishment (much like the last time I saw the swine) and I see her and at first ignore her. Then I stand up or something and in a very loud and clear voice, call out "Oh look! There's the sexual predator who destroyed my adolescence. And she's a police officer at the University! Look everybody - there she is! That's what a pedophile looks like!" Then maybe she freaks out and bolts, or maybe she starts talking back to me and I through a napkin dispenser at her or something. Nah, that would just be in my head. All I would have to engage is what I had already said. There would be no other reaction or words I would want to give her. She could just go to her grave with that.

Enough with that tangent. What I was thinking about was that I read through some of the journals before I threw them away and the only thing that struck me was that I said "I wish there was a place on my body that I could cut. And instead of bleeding blood I would bleed Sarah" I'm no cutter, nor have I ever been/will be. It just struck me.

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